Day 1:

I am at Kangra, Himachal Pradesh. Alone. I am on a trip I dreamt about. It was a planned trip which I never planned. I was planning this trip in the back of my mind for a long time and yesterday I just walked into my dream. I started my journey from Delhi in a rented self driving car. I have never driven such a long distance before and that too alone. But I was excited.

At 10 o'clock I started my journey. Lots of thoughts were running through me. After driving about an hour it felt like I must return. And none of the thought train rides are complete without Pari on board. But I am glad that these rides no longer end in a land of gloom and agony. I wish she was with me, but now there are no expectations and no worries.

Then I was worried about my career. But soon those thoughts also fizzled away. 

By then it was evening, I had driven a continuous stretch of 6 hours before I stopped for lunch because I realised I had nothing since morning. Again I started my journey. After driving for about an hour or so, the roads to the Himalayas started. Those curves, air and adventure ahead thrilled me. Narrow roads with slants and traffic make it difficult to drive. Anyways, I have managed so far.

Then there was one more major concern back of mind - the long habit of chewing tobacco. I am constantly worried about getting cancer. Still I don't quit. I have been developing some complications lately and I have a really bad feeling about this. I have planned a salvation on this trip and hope this helps me fight my addiction. I shall visit Buddhist monasteries and stay as long as I can, for peace of mind. Meditate.

My parents have been really worried about me and my habits. I could not have imagined a better parent. Though I have complaints, I have fought for unnecessary things and all they have done in return is love me more.

Last night they were really worried about my trip and my survival. I appreciate that.

Anyways it was evening, I was tired and the map was showing an hour long journey ahead. I was not in a condition to go ahead. After an 11 hours long journey I had cramps in my right hand and left leg. My eyes were too tired to follow the dark curvy roads with rash traffic. And to worsen the situation I could not find any human settlement for an hour. Anyways I reached Kangra to find a hotel. 

To my surprise it was really cheap - just 600 rupees for a night. I rented it after negotiating another 100 bucks. I had my dinner fast and went to sleep. I have not slept so peacefully lately. 

Today morning I feel fresh and ready to continue, but it's raining outside. Even if it does not stop, I will continue my journey in an hour. I want to reach the monastery as soon as possible.

Day 2:

I woke up as early as possible to complete my journey to Dharamshala. After an hour's drive I reached there to further continue to McLeodganj. I went straight to the Dalai Lama temple, such a pure and serene place at a mountain's cliff. 

The fog gave it a mystic look and my heart stopped for it. I wished I could stay there for as long as I could. I asked the temple staff if I could stay in the premises for a day or two, but they denied any such provision. The place is more than a temple, it is a university that teaches the art of various practices to control mind and body. I was thrilled by the thought of joining the university to learn. 

Anyways I continued from there to visit the meditation centre. Following Google maps on these roads is not easy. Google led me to a narrow one-way. After a while I was told by some local public after enquiry, about my mistake. I had to backtrack in reverse gear half a kilometre on a steep road. I always have a problem driving in reverse gear. With immense difficulty somehow I managed to get on the right path.

I then tracked for the destination of Tushita meditation centre and again Google disappointed me or maybe I disappointed it. Anyways I ended up reaching the Bhagsunag waterfall. It was an amazing experience. This was a unique waterfall, at the end of which there was a swimming pool where fresh water was replaced automatically every second.

Water ran into the pool from one end and left from another. I have a passion for swimming and after seeing the beauty I just wanted to dive in. I had my phone and wallet with me and no spare clothes. So I rushed to the parking lot to get rid of those and to get underwear or something like that to hide the shame while leaping into the pool. But after I got rid of them and locked the car I had the car keys with me and no place I could keep that safe. After analysing the situation I had to postpone the idea. I felt really bad about that.

With a heavy heart I moved forward. I visited the Tushita meditation centre again. The map asked me to turn right at a point where there was none.  Later I figured out the turn was from a parallel road but taking a U-turn on these roads is no kids play. Then I stopped at a tea junction to plan my further trip. I figured driving is a waste of time and energy. So I found a good parking place which cost me 500 bucks for two days, after heavy negotiation. They charged 100 rupees for every 6 hours.

I also managed to find a hotel nearby. I bought three books from the temple. I opened the one that said "The Art of Joy". I was amazed to read the very first line of the book that said - "the sole and the only purpose of life is to find happiness". This was my proposing line to Pari, when I asked her to join me in the quest of happiness. I felt so good and bad at the same time. I had so undermined our faith.

Anyways I tracked the meditation centre. It was a half an hour walk from the place I stayed. After a good night's sleep I am now ready to trek it. After another half hour walk I shall reach Dharamkot, a serene village in the Himalayas. So I begin now.

Day 3:

The day started with a mission to reach Tushita meditation centre and then further continue to Dharamkot. I started my trek by 6:30am. Though cars could travel on these roads, it was too hectic to drive here. The roads are quite narrow and the conditions of the roads were not very good. So I decided to walk along. At the end of the day, I am happy with my decision. With a very good mood I started the day.

On the way I cheerfully recited Harivansh Rai Bachchan's poem 'Yatra aur Yatri'. It gave me strength in the times I was low in life. It again revitalised me when the roads were steep and climbing them was not at all easy. I reached the meditation centre after an hour. It was still 8'o clock and the centre would open at 9:30. So I decided to go up the hill.

After some time I stopped for breakfast amongst the scenic beauty of the Himalayas. I was fascinated, mesmerised. Though a little tired, I was full of energy. Then I headed to the meditation centre. By the time I reached, it was open and the morning session of guided meditation was about to begin.

I devotedly followed the instructor. I concentrated on my breath. I watched my thoughts. Parts of my back were hurting may be due to the exertion and the weight of the bag. It made me a little uncomfortable. But I was with the instructor till a thought filled me completely. A thought that demanded me stay at this place for a month or more. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I was not able to hear the instructor. Though sounds fell on my ear, my brain was not listening.

As soon as the session ended, I rushed to the gates. Thinking I will check out the hotel today, go to some other place and return to Delhi, just to come back as soon as possible. Whatever I could do in Bangalore, I could accomplish the same from here. There was a swimming pool close by with water fresh enough for the soul and a meditation centre to teach my brain the lessons it missed in life. I thought I could brew new concepts and kindle a self revolution here. 

After I exited the gates of the centre I talked to the guard for my long enough stay of a month or so. He showed me a room within walking distance from the centre. I was happy and my idea got stronger.

In less than an hour I reached downhill to the hotel I was staying at. Entering there I asked at the reception to check me out. I went to the parking lot to get in my car and drove all the way ahead. I planned to stay at Dharamshala for the rest of the days. It was raining hard. An old man on the side of the road was drenched and asking for lift. I stopped my car to pick him up. He was a gentle man and used to be Tehsildar before he retired. I asked him where I could drop him off. He said he wished to go to Kangra, the place I stayed the first night of the trip. It was not very far away from Dharamshala. So I decided to drop him and stay there. 

While driving ahead I started to plan to take a detour to Shimla which was a 7 hour ride. I almost made up my mind. We started chatting. He was eager to tell me about his son who was in America and how he reached there. I was a patient listener. He asked me about my whereabouts. I told him about my ventures. He was then interested to hook his other son with an MBA in my company. The time soon seemed to pass too slowly. I asked him where I could drop him and when Kangra was going to come. To my amazement he said we left Kangra long ago. He said he was planning to take me to lunch in his own restaurant so he did not stop me before. I felt honoured, at the same time I felt cheated. I started to dislike the man.

Then he stopped me at a restaurant where no one else has stopped. It was a little deserted, though the interiors were fine but the food was pathetic. Somehow I filled my tummy with the food. I wanted to pay for my lunch but he asked me not to. I insisted but did not push a lot as I felt he wanted to pay off the ride with the lunch. I was about to leave when he said he wanted to continue the journey a little longer with me. By that time I had made up my mind to go to Shimla. 

I was not very comfortable continuing the ride with him. When I offered him the lift, he was really needy. But now he was at a secure place in his own restaurant where his wife was working. With a heavy heart I agreed. After about a couple of kilometres he parted at a turn. Maybe he felt the change in my attitude or maybe his destination had arrived. Anyways I felt relaxed as he left.

I headed ahead on the road to Shimla. But soon a fear of distance caught me. The harassment ahead made me take a turn back to Dharamshala. On the way back memories, thoughts - started haunting me. Maybe mainly due to the unsuccessful career I had till now at the age of 30, accompanied with the losses I suffered. I came to a position when I wanted to cry and cry hard. Tears were on the brink of eye lashes. Life again seemed so heavy. I wished I could end the pain by ending this life full of suffering and failure. Right then I decided to be strong and go ahead just to find what lies ahead, pain or pleasure. I forced my thought process to the solution to the current problem.

I thought of the way out, as I always had when I was stuck in such situations. I found myself too lonely and that any company either of friends or family did not fill the void I am suffering. A solution came to me that suggested I must get married soon. But the thought just led to another fear. A fear to maintain the household with the sort of income I have currently. I was so ashamed that I had to ask for money from my parents for survival. And now and then I increase their burden of planning trips of these sorts. This is my third trip in the past two months, I guess. And I was planning to stay more for a month which would cost another 30-35 thousands. I felt so miserable.

Driving all the way I reached Dharamshala. Google map had stopped itself due to some error, long ago. But I reached safely. Soon I found a government guest house by the road side. It was comparatively cheaper. I decided to stay there. As soon as I booked the room I started writing down as I felt it was important and would miss the parts and feeling if I left it for tomorrow. It's 5 in the evening and it's raining outside. Still I will go for a walk now.

Day 4:

I woke up a little late. I was really tired yesterday. I don't know why but I left the bed in a bad mood. Maybe something was wrong with last night's dream. I don't remember any particulars though. Anyways I stayed in bed with my eyes open for a long time. It was 9 when I ordered breakfast and began planning my day. One of them was to go back to Delhi today itself, maybe the mood was not with heart.

I decided I will visit some places and head back to Delhi. After googling for some time I finalised Kangra valley to be my next stop. After breakfast I started reading the book I bought from the Dalai Lama temple. Unfortunately, it was not able to capture all my attention. So I packed my stuff and checked out. Asked Google to lead me to the valley. I was driving as slow as my mind and Google took me to a place that was as lonely as me. No one in the eye sight for miles. But the place was really peaceful. A stream of water was rushing down the mountain from the middle of roads. There was calmness that can't be described in words. Clouds and fog were playing hide and seek with the mountains. There was extreme purity in the atmosphere.

Yet, I was really disappointed. I sat down on the roadside to give a thought about 'nothing'. Then I thought to take a look around. I found the water in the stream cold. But slowly I moved upstream to sit on a rock with legs in water to feel the water and freshen my feet. 

My feet got rejuvenated with life and my mind followed their lead. It woke me up from dullness to romanticise me - to pull off my shirt, put my belongings on a nearby rock and immerse myself to the rhythm of the stream.

The cold water shivered me to my bones but it gave my spines some courage. It gave my imagination a lift. I drank plenty of water, dipping my face in water. It was so amazing. It also boosted my determination to stay here for as long as I can. This is the place of dreams. The fresh water, the calmness, the air said it is the perfect station for my soul.

With the stream flowing in the midst of the road and broken road ahead, the chances for going ahead seemed bleak to me. Mobile network and GPS signal was all out of coverage. By the time I decided to turn back, I saw a bus coming down the mountains. It gave me hope to find lands with prosperity ahead. So I decided to continue. 

After driving for an hour on those tricky roads, I found someone to talk to. He said these roads lead to a place called Palampur. I have heard of it in many movies and many stories have set their foot here. I decided to move on and to check out its beauty. I reached there after an hour-long drive on those curvy paths. 

It was noon and I was really hungry. So I stopped by the market place to have my lunch and plan ahead. In the list of places to visit nearby, there was a monastery. I found the place on a map and headed there. Monasteries are such peaceful places that I had always wished to stay at one. Facing the rejection in Dharamshala I was pretty disappointed. With a fearful heart I approached a resident there and to my delight he said they do have residential facilities in the premises. I was delighted.

And now I am in the room where I will stay for the night in front of the main temple writing this day. I am not sure I will be coming back to stay here, but I wish I could.

At the end of day 4:

Something weird happened after completing today's write up. I thought I would go for dinner, but I could not find my wallet. I searched, no good. I searched harder, nothing. A thought vexed me - "Was my wallet stolen in the monastery?" I could not believe my thought. But after searching every possible area in the room I was really worried. I went downstairs to find the man whom I paid the rent for. No other person could have been a better candidate to start my investigation. 

I was shocked to see his office, which was more like a mementos shop, now closed. Though the nearby shop was open. Two Tibetan ladies and a gentleman were in the shop. I shared my concern with them with utmost politeness I could muster. One of them gave me the phone number of the person. I called him, he picked up the call and said he had no idea about my wallet. He asked to check my luggage and also my car. I went upstairs and back to the car with no success. 

It was not the loss of wallet that was bothering me. If it would have been a hotel or lodge, I would have been furious. But it was the monastery where I was planning to get lessons of life ahead.

I called him again and asked him as a favour if he could come here for help. It was raining badly, but that person came as soon as he could. I felt relieved and thanked him for his cooperation. He asked me if I had left the room or if anyone came. Negative. There were 6 rooms on the floor in a row, 3 on each side of the stairs. He has allotted me the room on the right side of the stairs and by coincidence none of the rooms were occupied and the only room open was the immediate left to the stairs. After paying him I had left my wallet on the table and went to fetch my luggage. I also mentioned the door lock was not working properly. So I left it open. And then my friends, the mystery was solved. He understood that I had put my luggage in the other room and was searching the wrong place.

I thanked him from the bottom of my heart. These guys are so polite that you can never fight them. And history is witness for them. As far as I know, Buddhism has never gone to war to protect its existence. In the dire conditions when China had attached Tibet to claim the territory, there was an exodus, without any resistance. They migrated to India, just to enhance the diversity of this land. They settled in McLeodganj, in Palampur and various other parts of North India.

I was relieved. I was about to get my dinner when a message came from my cousin. She was asking me to come to her place for rakhi. She had been sending rakhi to me for a long time but in person we could have never made it. She had a really special place for me. I am the only child for my parents. Though the emptiness of a brother could be filled with friends but real sisters are hard to find except in hospitals and churches. At the time I first met her, on the tragic occasion when our grandfather expired, she was a sweet kid and the only girl in my entire family younger than me. We gelled well. Then my father and uncle planned a trip to Mussoorie. It is the only trip I have had with my siblings so far. I was so excited. All went well and I still remember those days. 

I almost forgot about the rakhi. She used to be in Australia when she started sending me rakhi. With the first one there was a long letter explaining Australia, the aboriginals and what not. I still have those letters and rakhis safe with me. Year by year the length of the letter started to fade away. She was growing mature and I hate maturity for several reasons. Mostly because it stops brain development and the learning tendency, as a mature brain is afraid to ask questions. It fears humiliation and a childish brain knows nothing about such nonsense.

Anyways I begged her pardon and with a deep inhibition I shared a few pics of the trip to her. She replied that the pics were extremely beautiful and she was going to put one as her wallpaper.  I was happy. I asked her if she wished to read the travelogue of this trip. She agreed with eagerness. I was pleased to share them with her, asked her to review them and requested not to be judgemental. She did. She appreciated my writing and went ahead to suggest I must manage a blog. In the worst of times I wished I could have talked to her. Her voice is exactly the same as Pari, especially on the phone. I distinctly remember them both.

Meanwhile, a message from dad pinged me. He applauded my writing that has improved and appreciated it to the extent that after reading it he could see those places with me in his mind, by the magic of words. I was thrilled and just replied that the comments brought tears to my eyes. He went further to explain that it was not just because he was my father. 

Anyways, I asked him if I could stay here longer and he said yes without any confusion. I also promised him I will find a part time job for a living. He said nothing but how glad he would be if I stayed close to nature and literature. I was left with no words.

I wanted to confirm the merits of my writing skills further. I shared my pics of the trip on a whatsapp group, where my school friends were present and also asked if anyone wished to read my travelogue and give honest comments. One of my old friends said he would do it but he also mentioned that he was not interested. It seemed he would do it as a favour. Anyways I shared it with him. He said he will review it in his leisure. But after a couple of hours his review came and I was amazed. The best thing he said was that it seemed to him at many places while reading that he himself had written it. Maybe you will be a better judge than anyone regarding this fact. 

I don't know what the future holds for me. But I am sure I am coming back again for more. This sojourn has given me something I have been missing for long. I shall be off to bed now as it's already midnight and I have to drive for nine and half hours according to Google.